Death Cycle
by onewing
Summary: Hisoka had been Tsuzuki's first partner, he just doesn't remember yet. Tsuzuki strives not to lose him again, but destiny may be impossible to fight. yaoi, Tsuzuki/Hisoka, mild Muraki/Hisoka and Muraki/Tsuzuki
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Obviously don't own YnM, or the characters.

Notes: This is going a a totally different route, though the events during the anime did happen. Otherwise, very AU. Things will be explained in time. For now, enjoy. :) Also, the _italics_ are the past, the regular font is the present. Major boys' love, Tsuzuki/Hisoka, and some Muraki/Hisoka.

* * *

Death Cycle 

_He could feel those eyes on him again. Silent, but there, he was becoming more and more aware of him as reality grew dimmer._

_He was sure he was starting to be able to see him. Just at the corner of his eyes. A shadow with piercing green eyes, and ghostly skin that shone in the moonlight._

_It wouldn't be too much longer…. It couldn't be…_

_"Are you so eager?" a sigh, cool hands touched his skin around his wrist, gently lifting it up, one soft finger tracing the broken edges of the newest wound. He'd already torn the bandages off himself._

_He'd only just started to hear him a week ago, to feel him. If he didn't already believe himself insane, he would have thought himself so then, "Yes."_

_"Such a waste," there was a tinge of sadness there, and he believed he caught the sight of emerald again._

_"How much longer?" he didn't want to think on those words._

_There was a long pause, those fingers ever so gentle as they messaged his wrist, faintly causing his wounds to bleed again, "Soon, very soon. Probably tonight."_

_"I can't wait," he smiled a little, looking up to the dark, cracked ceiling above._

_"You've waited a long time," the other admitted, "Eight years."_

_Had it been that long? He no longer remembered. The days had long since blended together, becoming little more than muted light and sharp darkness in his mind. Not that it mattered, it was just part of his punishment, for being who he was, and what he had done…_

_"You're in such pain," tender fingers touched his cheek, breaking his thoughts into splinters again, shards that glinted with blood, "Do you really think it will end when you go?"_

_No, he didn't believe that. He almost hoped that he would suffer forever, it is what he deserved. For his sins, for what he had done to others…._

_No, he was meant to be in torment. He just wanted to remove the danger from everyone else. Surely the other could see that he was a demon, a monster like they had always called him…. He didn't deserve to live with everyone else, he would just hurt them all in the end._

_"So I see…" he was sure that voice was becoming clearer, could now see the pure color of those eyes, see the outline of that hand touching him and the face turned to him. A little longer, and he could make out the body._

_A little longer…._

_"Ready to go?" he could hear him as he stood; see the white cloth that he was cloaked in flare briefly as he sharply turned. One pale hand was thrust to him, skin smooth, flawless, perfect, just like the rest of him. Sandy blond hair fell around a face not much older than seemingly himself, when he had stopped aging at eighteen. Or so he remembered, it was hard to tell. When had he come here?_

_It was no matter, his escape had come._

_He reached for that hand, grasping death cool flesh, and the other helped him to stand easily. Relief touched him briefly, he felt free, alive, as he had not since…. He shied from the memories, clinging tight to that hand still, as if to a lifeline._

_He glanced back, and froze, watching as the pooling blood on his bed trickled down the once white sheets, staining everywhere, including the lifeless, almost pathetic body there…._

_One hand covered over his eyes, before the memories could return with a vengeance, "Let's go, Tsuzuki. There's nothing here now," gently, he was turned around, away from his empty shell._

_That hand was removed, and he looked down to the other, just noticing that he was a bit shorter then himself, "That's the first time you've said my name…." He had to distract himself._

_A light smile, just a bit tight, "So it is."_

_That hand was in his again, leading him along, away from the scene, away from the mortal world itself as they exited the little room that he had been in for so long, into an entirely different place. He paused as they did, feeling the sun warm stones under his bare feet, in awe at the sight of all around him. It was spring here… everything was alive… It seemed so odd, to think of this as the place where the dead dwelled…._

_He wasn't supposed to be in such a place, he would only stain such perfection._

_A tug on his hand again, "It's not what you think. This is the place between, where we are all judged."_

_That eased him a bit. He didn't fear being judged, he was sure they would see his crimes, and punish him like he had deserved and desired for so long._

_And he had his white cloaked savior to thank for delivering him there…_

_"What's your name?" he felt he had to know._

_The other didn't pause, though those eyes looked back to him, seeming to almost glint with a thousand secrets, "Hisoka, just Hisoka."_

_For the first time in eight years, Tsuzuki felt himself smile brightly, "Thank you, Hisoka."_

* * *

"Kurosaki is missing again?" Tatsumi asked him as he settled to work, donut in one hand, though he didn't seem interested in it. 

Pausing for a moment, Tsuzuki looked to him, and gave as best a smile as he could. "He didn't sleep well."

"Just like he didn't the last three nights," was the return, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," the older brushed off, "He's fine, Tatsumi."

The accountant looked unconvinced, blue eyed gaze narrowing as he settled fine hands on Tsuzuki's desk. Tsuzuki knew that look, knew what was coming, and merely looked up innocently at him, hoping to stave off things long enough to scarf down the donut he didn't even have an appetite for, just to make sure he didn't make him more worried.

"Tsuzuki, the act isn't fooling me, something is wrong," Tatsumi was rarely so forward with him on anything but money and himself. And even then, he seemed often over careful when concerning himself.

At least until Kyoto, things had changed a lot since then….

His own fault, he knew.

He shoved the donut into his mouth, just to avoid answering, and to shove back the memories. He didn't need those right now, could not let the guilt get to him. He didn't want to make anyone worried….

Tatsumi's right eye twitched, but he said nothing, waiting him out. Just like always. He had gained a lot of patience since working with him, he had to note that…

Swallowing finally, he grimaced a little, "Things are fine. He's just taking a little while to recover."

"We all know Kurosaki isn't that weak, he was here and fine the week before this," was the point out, before that frown tilted more, "Is it Muraki?" his tone had lowered, almost careful as if he would break something saying the man's name.

Swiftly, Tsuzuki shook his head, "No. It has nothing to do with him."

Yet it did… But not in the way Tatsumi was thinking.

"Tatsumi, I think you had better let Tsuzuki get to work," the words were clipped, rough, and brought instant relief to him, as he glanced around his old friend to Konoe.

The older man had his hands behind him, waiting as Tatsumi straightened, and turned to face him. It almost looked as if the younger would protest, but the look in the older's eyes made him pause. Obviously unsatisfied, but accepting for the moment, the accountant retreated, leaving them alone in the office.

Tsuzuki had come in early, the time that Hisoka would be coming, if he was well…

Konoe moved forward, expression easing, something almost sad glinting in his aged face, "Should I assume that it relates to that?"

Tsuzuki knew what he was talking about. He was the only one that remembered, that knew what was happening. The only one that had been there…

"He's remembering, bit by bit. It's hurting him, but if I remember right…. He told me once that it always did. It's just…" he looked away, stifling the pain, shutting out the thoughts within.

"It hurts you both," Konoe understood, and for that, he was grateful, "What are you doing here then?"

That brought a weak, flickering smile to his lips, "Hisoka forced me to." He had yelled and thrown things, informing him if he wasn't there, then at least Tsuzuki should be. Someone had to do their work.

A shake of the head, "Go home. Take care of him. The higher up will understand."

Faintly, Tsuzuki felt his face tense, his teeth grit, "He would, this is his fault."

Konoe's face closed, "Do not say such here, Tsuzuki. For your sake and Kurosaki's."

A nod, though he still felt that old anger begging to rise. Standing, he gathered his work, and Hisoka's. Seeing his boss's questioning look, he shrugged, "It's to keep him comfortable. Hisoka hates missing work."

A nod of understanding, "That's how he's always been."

Tsuzuki knew that well, better than anyone else, "Thanks, Konoe." With that, he left quickly, to avoid anyone else coming in.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to FayrieFox, Eternity's Heir, ShinigamixGirl, silenceinlight, Isabeau and sarion for your comments.

As always, past is in _italics_, present in normal text.

_The Past_

_Those green eyes blinked up at him, curious; as yet another cherry was popped into that mouth. One soft hand was holding up the older's head, pinky finger tracing his lower lip as he chewed, and swallowed._

_Faintly, Tsuzuki found himself glad the other ate pitless, sweet cherries. The silence stretched, becoming a bit strained before the other spoke, "So you're my new partner?"_

_A quick nod, he hadn't expected it himself. He had been told he would be paying for his crimes by being a Shinigami. That had swiftly brought protest, but there was no fighting the King of Hades. Yet, finding out his partner was the one who had freed him; had made it a little better._

_A longer look, another cherry disappeared, "I don't normally have a partner," Hisoka commented, after swallowing._

_"I thought Shinigami had to work in pairs?" Tsuzuki questioned. That had been what they had told him…._

_"I'm the exception. Not that I don't want you," Hisoka amended, "I'm just a bit shocked."_

_"So am I," Tsuzuki admitted._

_Considering for another long moment, the other gestured finally to the bowl beside him, "Want one?" casual, as if the previous topic was over at the admittance from both that it was unexpected._

_Tsuzuki couldn't figure out how he could brush it aside so easily. Being paired with a killer, a demon….That was now being assigned to killing people. The perfect job for his type, yet what he dearly didn't want to do. How did one pay for one's crimes by committing more of the same?_

_"You know, this job isn't just about bringing in those that haven't died, or refuse to when it's their time," Hisoka lifted his head from his hand, straightening to lean back in his chair, "Sometimes a soul just can't find their way. Like yours… Do you regret me bringing you here?"_

_Tsuzuki had to shake his head at that, to admit that this existence was better than the empty one that he had lived for eight years. He had been dead for a long time by the time Hisoka had come to him, his soul wasting in a body that refused to die regardless of if it received food or water or anything at all._

_"There are those that are like how you were. And they're grateful as well to be shown the way. We're guardians, Tsuzuki, not murderers in a sense. We strive to protect the souls that must come here, to show them the right way. It's not as if we're going about taking the lives of those that are perfectly healthy and happy, just those that have already died in some sense," a sigh, his arms crossed, "Also, we're there to stop anything that messes with the order of things. Demons that take too many lives, or those they control that do. Our main mission is to keep order, so everything else doesn't fall apart. So stop thinking this is just your punishment for things."_

_That caused violet eyes to suddenly blink, catching on it, even as he absorbed those words, understood and accepted that Hisoka was right. He wasn't going to survive if he continued to see this job as he did… But…_

_"Can you read my thoughts?" it might have been silly to ask, but the look in those emerald eyes when he had said that last part just prompted it._

_Hisoka looked up at him without a single regret, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to ask him, "Yes. I suppose they forgot to tell you I was empathic?"_

_The word meant nothing to Tsuzuki, he'd never heard it before, and his answer was obvious on his confused face._

_Shaking his head, Hisoka smiled faintly, "It's not a word used much in the current era. Basically it means I can feel your feelings and read your thoughts, at least the surface ones. I don't dig, so don't worry. We'll have to work on your shields, of course, you're really open and any demon could latch onto the same thoughts I just picked up."_

_"Shields?" he was rather lost. They'd only told him the basics of this job…_

_Now it was Hisoka's turn to blink at him, before one hand rose to rub tiredly at a temple, "I see their game. Great, fine. We've got a lot of training to do. Shields first, then we'll work up to attacks, until then, you stay behind me when we engage anything that might come after us, alright?"_

_Tsuzuki looked a bit sheepish at the thought of how clueless he was, "I'm sorry…"_

_Hisoka shook his head, "Don't be. This isn't your fault," standing, he grabbed the bowl of cherries, "We'd best get started. I'm not training you in the office so let's go outside," he paused, and offered his snack once more, "And you never did tell me if you wanted one,"_

_Tsuzuki's eyebrow flickered up, but he decided to humor his odd partner, and nodded before taking one. Putting it into his mouth, his eyes suddenly widened as the taste hit his tongue, and he remembered he hadn't eaten in eight years… And that cherry seemed the best tasting thing he'd ever had._

_Hisoka was laughing a little, probably at his completely blissful expression. Green eyes glinted, and he reminded himself that the other had probably picked up his emotion in that moment. The thought made him blush a little._

_"I see we should stop in the mortal world to grab dinner perhaps after our training. I'll treat," those lips curved into an amused smile, "I have this odd feeling you're going to have a big sweet tooth."_

_Tsuzuki felt that flush growing brighter, even as he shot back, "Don't you?"_

_Hisoka shook his head, "I actually don't care for sweet things. The only thing I've taken to are these," he nodded to the cherries._

_Tsuzuki couldn't imagine it. But then, his memory of the sweets he had had when he was young were faded, buried under…_

_Hisoka seized his arm, breaking in before that blood soaked flash of time could smother him, "Let's go, Tsuzuki, I plan to have those shields as strong as stone by dinner time."_

_The violet eyed Shinigami nodded, allowing himself to be dragged outside._

Present time

The room was dark when he entered. When he had left, there had been at least one light on, to ward away the gloom. Hisoka had been on the couch, small body curled under a blanket. He had refused to stay in bed, having spent the last three days there.

Yet, even in the night like interior, Tsuzuki could see that the couch was vacated, the book his partner had been reading left carelessly on the floor. That was an instant show that something was wrong, Hisoka didn't just toss books aside. If he had just stepped away it would have been laying face down on the pillow, holding his spot, or on the table, book mark in place.

"Hisoka?" he called, moving further into the house, past the nest of blankets on the couch, into the next room.

The bedroom was empty, as was the bathroom. Worry spiking, he knew he hadn't gone outside, he would have seen him coming in, and he couldn't have gone far in his condition….

He retreated back to the living room, deciding to check one more place before he went outside, or freaked and called Konoe. It was likely; they could have come for him….

Entering the kitchen eased his fears in an instant. There, on the floor, back to a counter, was Hisoka, a container of sweet cherries in his lap that Tsuzuki had brought a few days before this entire thing happened, with the intent on snacking on them himself when he visited.

Green eyes were closed, as almost mechanically, one cherry after another disappeared into that mouth, to be devoured. He could only watch for a moment, just a bit stunned.

"Your shields have gotten weak while I was gone," casual, the voice was a slight bit different from his partner's. It wasn't deeper, or thicker, nor was there an accent to mar it. It was just different.

And yet the most familiar sound in the world.

Before he could say anything, those eyes opened, confusion, and that dogging tiredness clear in them, "Tsuzuki? What are you doing here?" the voice was once again normal.

"Konoe sent me home. I brought our paper work," he absently waved the stake of files he had been carrying in one hand, having forgotten them until that moment. Setting them on the counter, he knelt by him, "How do you feel?"

"Tired…" those eyes fluttered briefly to show it, "And I had the oddest craving for these. Sorry."

"It's alright," Tsuzuki assured, lightly, affectionately brushing back a strand of hair from his face.

He could feel the fever, from that simple touch. Hot, just like that fire that had so long ago engulfed his previous incarnation…

Those eyes lost the strength to stay open, closing as his fingers started to go limp. Tsuzuki carefully took the container away, setting it on the counter above, before gently slipping his arms under his partner's back and legs.

"Let's get you back to the couch," he said softly.

"Bed," Hisoka corrected softly, burying his face into Tsuzuki's neck, "So tired…"

Suppressing the faint echo of pain in himself, he merely held tighter to him, "I know. You'll get better soon."


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the reviews. As always, past is in _italics_, present in normal text.

* * *

_The Past_

_Green fire blossomed, wild, destructive as it circled around its owner, controlled all at once. He could only watch, spell bound as the flames grew higher. Stronger, waiting._

_A single motion from the one in the midst of them, and they struck, flaring out towards their target, engulfing the squirming, screeching demon who never had a chance against the other's superior spirit powers. It was reduced to ashes within moments._

_The emerald fire retreated, circling about its owner, sinking back into that seemingly delicate body, disappearing as fast as it had come. Hisoka blew out a soft breath, before glancing back to him._

_"Are you alright?" he could only nod at the question, still mystified at the display._

_Stretching his arms above his head as if to ease stiffness from his body, Hisoka approached him, "In time, I think you could be better at it than I am."_

_That startled him from his self trance, and he stared wide eyed at his partner. He'd just started shielding, and while he had picked that up rather quickly, attacks were still out of his reach._

_"Better? You made it seem like it was easy," something he couldn't imagine._

_A slight shrug, "It was a lower level demon. Likely a class three."_

_That made Tsuzuki's eyes want to bug. From his studies, what he actually did pick up on, had put class three as pretty high._

_Hisoka smirked a little, as he lowered his arms, "Class threes are not that bad, compared to class ones. I can't defeat those without summons."_

_It was the first time he'd talked about them. Tsuzuki was learning about such, but only in the vague sense, Hisoka having felt other matters, such as shielding, for both their sanities' sakes, as more important._

_"How many do you have?" it pressed out of him._

_"Twelve," was the casual response, as Hisoka shrugged again, "Let's get back to the office. The paperwork is going to be thick on this one."_

_The thought of that drove Tsuzuki's shock out, as he grimaced. He was finding he hated paperwork. The look he gave made his partner laugh a little._

_"Come on, it's not that bad. Konoe might give us a break since we brought him that cake earlier," it was a slight tease, as Hisoka drew closer, two fingers coming up to tilt Tsuzuki's chin up a bit, "Give me a smile, and I'll get you something sweet."_

_That perked the other up in a flash. If Tsuzuki had a tail, he'd have been wagging it, having become addicted to sweets in a very short time, much to Hisoka's amusement, "What?"_

_Another laugh, Hisoka moved his hand away, to lightly tap Tsuzuki's nose with finger, "You'll have to see. Now come on."_

_Tsuzuki nodded, eager to go, especially before another demon came after them. During this mission, he'd begun to note that somehow, the demons seemed attracted towards him. He wasn't sure if it was his inexperience that drew them or something more, though he shuddered deep within to even begin to think what else it could be._

_He was a monster, but not of their kind. He didn't want to believe he was of their ranks._

_Hisoka paused, green eyes staring at him for a long moment, frowning, "Tsuzuki…"_

_The other paused, checking his shields, fearing his partner had felt it. Likely had, as his walls were far from perfect._

_Yet before Hisoka could go further into it, he stopped again, head whipping back forward, eyes searching, wide and perhaps just a bit fearful. Drawing closer, disturbed by the look, Tsuzuki almost reached to touch him, when a voice made him hesitate as it sounded from the shadows._

_"Hello, Lover. You look well for a dead man," it was a coo, the darkness concealing whoever it was._

_Hisoka stiffened, fire coming to a hand that had drifted up, defensive, "Kazutaka…I should have sensed you sooner."_

_"You were busy," a part of the shadows seemed to shift, before a man, middle aged, pale as death, clad in white robes, stepped forward, hands hidden in his long sleeves, "It's been a long time," thin lips stretched thin in a mocking smile._

_"I don't think so," the hand clenched, extinguishing the flame brutally, "Not long enough for the feeling to fade."_

_An almost lazy look at that, the other stepped forward, almost too fast for Hisoka to pull away if he had wanted to. The seemingly younger flinched, as one almost skeletal hand reached out, grasping his throat, squeezing lightly, "It still aches? I almost feel regretful for that."_

_Sparing a glance between them, noting the almost visible horror in his partner's frame, Tsuzuki moved forward, grabbing that wrist and jerking the odd man off of Hisoka, "Get away from him."_

_The older man spared him a look, calculated, studying as if seeing a new type of animal, or toy. The look alone gave Tsuzuki a chill down his spine, enough to seemingly freeze his very blood._

_Those oddly bruised colored eyes brushed over him finally, returning to Hisoka, "Whatever is this? A new playmate?"_

_"None of your business," Hisoka spat, gathering himself in defense of his partner, stepping in front of Tsuzuki._

_That thin hand pressed to the man's covered chest, "As your lover, he's all my business."_

_"Former lover. You ended it," bitter, dark, that fire sprang from his fingers again, blazing._

_"Only in the living world," possession glinted in that face, wretched, all consuming._

_"And after. As before, as after, as always," there was almost a tired note behind the rage, "Go. You have no business here, and I have no business with you yet."_

_Those lips pressed into that smile once more, before Kazutaka bowed low, "Till later," he paused, running those eyes over Tsuzuki, "Your business may be sooner than you think."_

_He then retreated, the shadows seeming to swallow that vibrant being again into their black depths._

_It was only after he was gone did Tsuzuki remember to breath. Hisoka didn't however, merely destroyed the flame in his hand, before silently turning away, "Let's go, Tsuzuki, we have to get back," it was clipped, even as he started to fade._

_Tsuzuki could not press the issue, didn't dare yet, though he would eventually, worry for his partner forcing the issue._

* * *

The Current Time

Hisoka was hot against him when he woke; the fever had risen during the night. He barely woke when Tsuzuki tried to rouse him, merely blinked weakly, eyes glazed and unfocused. Moans and half grunts had answered his questions, before the younger had sunk back into his fitful sleep. Tsuzuki had left him to it. He needed his rest, the closer it came.

Getting up himself, he retreated to the living room once more, finding the discarded files from last night. They were fairly far behind, or so a quick glance revealed, seeing cases from nearly a half a year ago at the bottom of the pile. Hisoka was diligent, but between the overload of work and Kyoto… Past or present, not even Hisoka could keep up with that flood, especially when Tsuzuki was such a hindrance.

And now, Tsuzuki had to deal with it alone. Much like that time, the same time that was coming again.

He forced himself to focus, and noted that out of all the files, the Kyoto case was missing. Either Tatsumi or more likely Hisoka had dealt with it, so that he wouldn't. Heart warming vaguely, he couldn't help the guilt that weighed on him.

He knew that this was not his fault. Kyoto was, a lot of things were. But this… this was fate's alone, and he wanted so desperately to stop it. To stop time from moving forward, to somehow turn it back.

Or just delay it a little longer.

But it was hard to do, being as his own partner was the clock.

"You're thinking too much," it was a mutter from the door, causing him to turn sharply to look towards Hisoka, who was leaning against the doorframe, skin flushed almost red from the heat burning his body from the inside.

"You shouldn't be out of bed," Tsuzuki stood, ready to go to him at the first sign of collapse.

Hisoka stared at him for a long moment, studying, as if ripping apart the shell around his soul, without touching it, "You're thinking too much. I told you not to trouble yourself."

It was then Tsuzuki knew who was talking, and he paused, one hand trembling at his side, wanting to reach out and touch him, but at the same time, dreading it.

How could one stop time from moving forward towards the end?

"Hisoka…" he didn't know what to say, what to do.

One pale hand pressed to a temple, "What happens, happens. Neither I nor you can break that cycle. I held off awakening for you, for as long as I could. But something else is moving it up."

That caused Tsuzuki to pause, worry lancing up. He hadn't known how long Hisoka had been a Shinigami before he had come along. Hadn't known how long he'd been awake… But if someone was forcing the cloak forward faster…

"Muraki is dying," it was to the point, even though the words seemed to weaken the younger, "I can feel it. You know, when he does, I'll have to go, and I'm not ready. I'll still be weak, I might not survive another cycle…"

And then…

"We have to stop it. We have to do something," desperation there, the cracks just straining a bit to open, so newly healed, and so fragile around his own soul.

Hisoka shook his head, righting himself, before he walked over, one hand reaching to touch Tsuzuki's cheek, "If it's not this time, it will be the cycle after, or the cycle after that. It is coming. I told you that."

"It doesn't have to be this time," if nothing else….

A vague smile, "You have changed, Tsuzuki. I wonder if what I told you is true for you as for me? Do you remember it?"

"You told me that every life was different for you. Every you was different, even though you're still you. One life you might love something, the next you'll hate it. But I… I, you'd love regardless how many lives you go through, even though you had only a few left," Tsuzuki grasped that hand, pressing it tight against his cheek. He turned his face a little, to press a kiss to the palm, "I could never forget, and it is very true."

"I'm glad," Hisoka's knees gave out suddenly, the moment of strength fading, and he collapsed against him.

Catching him, Tsuzuki quickly swept his arm under those thin legs, hefting him up. Hisoka curled into him, shivering despite the heat.

"Tsuzuki?" it was a mummer, nearly a whimper.

"Here," Tsuzuki pressed a kiss to his forehead, "Just sleep, Hisoka, I'll get you some food later."

"Not hungry," it was the faint protest, "How did I get out of bed?"

"I'm not sure. You seemed dazed when you stepped in here," Tsuzuki's chest ached at the lie.

"Oh…" if he had been well, Hisoka would have protested. would have done more than slump down, accepting it.

The softest sigh, Tsuzuki held him close, and set to go put him back to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to all those that reviewed, you keep this story going. I am sorry for the late update. On the plus side, we're moving along. As always _italics _are the past and regular is the present.

_Past_

_"Here, like this," gently, Hisoka guided his hand, forming the runes on the white, white paper._

_Tsuzuki watched, more attentive to how warm Hisoka's slender hands were, than the actual form. It was amazing really, for how pale and delicate they were, they were still so comfortingly heated against his own. Not to mention soft, softer than anyone but Luka's hands had ever been. In fact, they might almost be…_

_Green eyes glanced to him after a moment, "Tsuzuki, I'm glad you like my hands, but they'll do you no good if you're by yourself against another demon."_

_Tsuzuki grimaced at their last outing, his first time handling a demon on his own, and nearly his last time if Hisoka's summon hadn't rushed in to save him. The golden fire of that brilliant phoenix was still burned into his mind, she had been beautiful, but that still didn't wash away the clear fear he had had at the situation. That demon had looked so hungry, for something he could not understand._

_Certainly not for his soul… that was far from pure, more a dirty, tattered thing, no great prize._

_He tried to focus again, "I know," he took a breath._

_There was always a chance that it wasn't really him the demons wanted; maybe they just sensed him as the weaker of the pair, and as a way to get to Hisoka. Hisoka would be the real triumph if they could get him…_

_The thought made him sick with the horror of that, and his hands tightened, the one bearing pen snapping it in half. Yelping, he looked in bewilderment towards the broken writing tool, as if unsure how he did that._

_Watching him for a moment, Hisoka pulled away, after lightly tugging the pieces from his hand, "Perhaps this isn't the way to go. You may become great at it but it does not seem to be your strength."_

_Blinking curiously up at him, Tsuzuki tilted his head a little, "Then what?"_

_"Summons. I know you'll be perfect for them. Suzaku actually left my side to go save you," an amused look there._

_That only brought dismay to Tsuzuki, "She did? She left you to save me when you were in trouble?"_

_Raising a hand to stop him, Hisoka smiled a faint bit, "It's alright, Tsuzuki. She knew I could protect myself. Besides, it just shows that you are the better adapt for it."_

_"Better?" Tsuzuki couldn't imagine it really, as he watched Hisoka move to collect another pen, before returning back to him._

_"There are some that are just better at connecting with Shiki. The reason I have twelve is merely because I've managed to subdue every one of them till they respected me and my control. I make them uneasy though," a slight, resigned look there, for the briefest moment, before Hisoka shook his head, "You would be able to make friends with them. That is a better relationship. However, we'll wait a bit longer before we get you one. You have to master this to some extent," the faintest hint of teasing, as he laid the pen back into Tsuzuki;s hand._

_Taking the hint, Tsuzuki went back to task, dipping the pen back into ink before tracing the letters once more._

_It was some time before they spoke again, as painstakingly Tsuzuki tried to mimic the words before him. Yet, eventually, he broke it, not used to the silence, never really liking it since his death._

_"Were you always this good at spells?" it was a curious question, he couldn't imagine when his partner hadn't been with how amazing he was then._

_Hisoka didn't look up, though a faint tension came over his shoulders, "Yes, but never as good as the one who taught me."_

_Tsuzuki could see the signs, the marks that this was a delicate line to cross, and yet couldn't help himself at his next question, something sinking in his gut at who that might have been, "Who taught you?"_

_"My former lover. My murderer," one of Hisoka's hands reached up to touch some invisible scar on his neck._

_So his feelings were right, and Tsuzuki couldn't help think of the pale man they had met on their first mission, of his strange, dark eyes, and the sense of pure…he wasn't sure what had bled off the man. It wasn't evil, but it wasn't good…It was something undefined to him, and dangerous beyond anything he could imagine, including himself._

_"The man we met," he had to push, just a little, just as he had wanted to then._

_"Kazutaka," knowing, and bitter, "Yes, that was him. I've run into him more than a few times since my death."_

_"What happened?" it wasn't his place, it wasn't his right, yet something pressed the words out. Likely the look on Hisoka's face, so vulnerable, so weak when Tsuzuki had always seen strength._

_"He sliced my throat during sex one night," anger, and tired resignation that didn't fit it, "I knew it was coming, it was my eighteenth year…. But he was crueler this time than the last."_

_Alarm suddenly rose in Tsuzuki, sick dread, and the knowledge that something more was buried under that tale, "This time? You knew it was coming?"_

_The slightest nod, and those green eyes rose to meet his at the last, though the lashes shadowed them, "There is a lot you don't know about me, Tsuzuki. And I suppose that is a bit unfair…. So I will give you two things. I don't have that much longer with you, and I am the…"_

_Tsuzuki would never know what prompted him, the dread of those next words, or the ones before them, but the next moment, he found his lips crushed tight against Hisoka's, smothering what would come._

_

* * *

_

Present time

He'd spent days looking through everything he could, searching for any sign at all of the doctor, anything that hinted of Muraki.

Nothing, nothing.

And Hisoka was getting worse.

It was now seven days since he had started to get ill. It was three since Tsuzuki had seen any hint of his previous self in him. He had had to move his younger partner to the medical ward at the sixth day, when the fever had gone beyond control or reason, and even Hisoka's healing abilities were straining hard against it.

Konoe had visited him the night he had checked him in and had stayed a bit. He hadn't been able to give him any true comfort, having only gone through this once before himself. However, he had muttered that it wasn't the same as the last time, that it was worse.

Which only gave Tsuzuki more to fear, with Hisoka's words ringing in his ears.

Someone was trying to move up time. Someone was trying to speed up the clock that counted down the very world…

Others had visited; Tatsumi, Wakaba among them. Watari had come and gone a few times since he'd brought Hisoka here. Hisoka never changed, and Tsuzuki had tried to stay by his side whenever he was waiting for information on Muraki.

And still there was nothing to be had. He knew he wasn't dead yet. Hisoka wouldn't be there if he was. But how long he had till that happened, he didn't know. All he knew, was he had to stop it.

It was ironic, that he desperately wanted to save the life of one of the most evil of men. The man he knew deserved death and far worse, but if he were to die now….

His hands clenched on the sheets, frustration, pain lancing at him, digging in deep under his guilt and his helplessness. All he could do was wait again, while the Earl traced the flickering life that was Muraki. It was a last attempt, and a desperate one on his part, to put himself in more debt on the very off chance the Earl could do it. It was hard to trace lives, harder still to pinpoint one like Muraki's.

But Tsuzuki remembered how delicate that candle had appeared as it waved and dimmed before his gaze, the only connection he had to the murderer. Time was short, nothing but drastic would do now.

Sighing, he laid his head down on the bed between his hands, tired after the last two days of no sleep, and the five days before with little. There was nothing he could do, just like the last time.

And this time, Hisoka wasn't….

Hot fingers touched his hair, lightly petting down the strands with almost ghost like traces. Pausing in his thoughts, he almost didn't dare to breathe, let alone move as they drifted down then back up, thoughtful and slow.

"Idiot, I know you're awake," the voice was exhausted, but the tone was warmly affectionate, and for a moment, Tsuzuki couldn't figure out if it was past or present speaking to him.

Either way, it was still Hisoka though, and he raised his head finally, catching those pale fingers in his, and held them to his cheek, relief at just feeling the pulse of them against his skin, "Just as you are."

"I'm sleeping a lot these days," Hisoka yawned a bit, eyes half drooped, but more aware than he'd been in the last three or so days.

"It's alright. You're tired," Tsuzuki tried so hard to choke back the tears around those words, fingers tightening around the hand against his face.

"Just like last time," a crack of a smile, those eyes went to slits, nothing but dark green and black showing.

"You remember?" between the lapses into his previous self and the random small bursts of memories, Hisoka had yet to really understand what was happening to him.

The vaguest nod, "Not everything, but I understand now… It's just another cycle. I've done this before."

Licking his lips faintly, Tsuzuki nodded in return, "You have. You'll be fine." He wished it didn't sound like a lie to his own ears.

But if Hisoka thought it was, he didn't mention it, merely shifted against his pillow, his fingers flexing against Tsuzuki's skin, "It's cold in here."

Shaking breath, another nod as Tsuzuki leaned his forehead against his partner's and felt the fiery heat there. It hadn't gone down a bit.

"I'm sorry," there was so much he was regretful about, so much he wished he could do or say to make this right.

But he couldn't even make him comfortable, let alone fix the problem that was within Hisoka himself. He couldn't change what was made before he even existed in the world. And as hard as he wished, he couldn't stop it; merely delay, if he found Muraki in time.

"He's still alive," Hisoka's eyes had closed by then, his lips barely moving even as his fingers grew lax in Tsuzuki's grip, "He's still alive, but he's hiding."

Tsuzuki grew still, keeping close, feeling those slow, soft breathes against his lips as he waited for more, needed more. Under his touch, he noted the red markings of the curse that bound his partner to that monster start to appear. Hisoka had never been able to track Muraki, but he always would know his status.

However, in the past, that stronger bond between the forever slain and the slayer was even deeper than the curse now. Hisoka had been able to track his other half's moments from time to time, especially when it had been near the other's death.

"Can you feel where he is?" he had to try. For both their sakes.

Hisoka didn't answer for a long moment, his breathing growing lighter yet, almost back into the state he had been before, and Tsuzuki almost feared he lost him again, when he was finally answered.

"Where we met…He's waiting by the cherry trees…" a grimace there of pain, and tears of blood started to run from Hisoka's closed eyes.

Alarm rose in Tsuzuki at that, and he pulled away sharply as Hisoka's breathing sharpened, the markings almost seeming to glow and bleed in the dim light. A convulsion ran through the slender body of his partner, jerking him roughly against the bed, even as his eyes clenched and his teeth ground almost enough to be audible.

Realizing in some distant way what was happening, Tsuzuki reached down again, grabbing onto frail shoulders, and shaking them roughly, "Let go, Hisoka. I understand, you don't need to hold on to him."

Nothing seemed to improve for a moment, and so he shook him again, just as Watari rushed in, one of the other medicals by his side. Not understanding the situation, he moved quickly towards Tsuzuki, jerking him off and pulling him back while the other started to check over Hisoka.

Struggling, Tsuzuki's eyes were only on his partner's face, as his breathing finally started to ease, the angry marks fading back into their place beneath the skin, out of sight of the world.

"What happened?" it was sharp from Watari, almost a warning against whatever Tsuzuki might say.

"He connected to Muraki for a moment, and found him," now Tsuzuki had a destination, yet he almost couldn't dare leave, after seeing that.

Watari's eyes softened, looking him over, "You need to get some rest. We'll look after him if it happens again."

"Not yet," he could not rest until he had done all he could. He would not until this cycle ended, one way or the other, "Let me say good bye before I go?"

Pausing a little, Watari nodded after a moment, letting him go and stepping aside as Tsuzuki moved forward, past the medic. Studying his partner's face for a long moment, he wiped away the blood streaks from his cheeks, before leaning down, lightly giving his lips a gentle kiss.

"I'll be back soon," it was the only promise he could give, that he knew he could keep.


End file.
